Community & Connection: Sunday 5/7 - noon PST / 3:00pm EST
Your Identiversities and Intersectionalities
Chris Thomason, social worker
Join Chris as we explore the different personas (identity, ethnicity, gender, sexuality…) we present to the world: genetic family, raising family, co-workers, church family, your friends, your spouse, children, and how the different faucets of who we are were impacted by our DNA surprise.
I was adopted around the age of 4 and was #3 of 4 in my adopted family. My adopted father died suddenly 10 months later at age 30. I was moved around and eventually ended up with my adopted Uncle and Aunt. They had 5 biological kids but took me and my younger adopted sister Julie. Five years later my adopted Uncle and his son were killed in a plane crash. I was moved around to a few different families, and by age 11 was with my original adopted mother who had remarried. That family was violent so by 9th grade I was sleeping on my girlfriend’s family’s living room floor. After high school, I started doing people’s yards and ended up being a self-employed contractor for 37 years with 7 ‘full-time’ employees. I was married for 23 years and my ex-wife and I have two sons now in their 30s. After 2 years of searching and 4 years of secret phone calls with my birth mom, I reunited with my full birth family in 2004. Fourteen years ago I “Came-out” and gave up decades of secrets, lies, and hiding my sexuality – I was done.
Since Joining ‘Concerned United Birthparents’ in 1999, I have on occasion co-facilitated the monthly CUB meeting in Los Angeles. 6 years ago while sleeping in the backseat of my work truck, homeless, I graduated from California State University Los Angeles in Sociology with an emphasis in race and diversity and gender, a minor in Social Work, Pan-African Studies and Applied Credential in Gerontology. Currently, I am a translator in a law office and work with immigrants going through the citizenship process. I walked my ex-wife “Down the aisle” 4 years ago when she remarried and feel fortunate to share a relationship with her and my sons. Their mother and I still finish emails with the words, “Love you”.
Sunday 4/16 - noon PST / 3:00pm EST
Join Jeanette as she walks us through how to cope with rejection from your birth/genetic parent.
Jeanette Yoffe, M.A., M.F.T. earned her Master’s in Clinical Psychology, specializing in children, from Antioch University in June of 2002. She treats children, teens and adults with serious psychological problems secondary to histories of abuse, neglect, and /or multiple foster care and adoption placements. She is the Clinical Director of Yoffe Therapy Inc. A mental health center in Los Angeles providing services to families, children, teens, and adults connected by foster care and adoption. Learn more here.
Jeanette’s desire to become a psychotherapist with a special focus on adoption and foster care issues derived from her own experience of being adopted and moving through the foster care system. In 2019 she published a one-woman show she performed back in 2000 titled “What’s Your Name, Who’s Your Daddy?” now available on Amazon and Audible. This is a great resource for families, support groups, and agencies, to listen and understand the child’s point of view about growing up in foster care and adoption.
Jeanette developed a series of groundbreaking interventions for working with foster and adopted childrenGROUNDBREAKING INTERVENTIONS: WORKING WITH TRAUMATIZED CHILDREN AND FAMILIES IN FOSTER CARE AND ADOPTION. This book contains structured treatment activities, the goals of treatment, materials needed, and a “how to approach” for each methodology. A must-have intervention book for all professionals and parents working with children in foster care and adoption. She also published her first set of children’s books “What is Adoption?” and “What is Foster Care?” in English and Spanish. Visit her Amazon author page here.
In 2009 she started the support group called ADOPT SALON CONSTELLATION SUPPORT GROUP for All members of the foster care and adoption experience including First-Birth Mothers and Fathers, Adult Adoptees, Foster Youth Alumni, Adoptive and Foster Parents. Learn more here at Adopt Salon VIDEO. And in 2011 she created a non-profit organization dedicated to supporting the lives of the fostered and adopted and their families, named Celia Center, after her first birth mother, Celia. The center holds full-day mental health conferences, workshops, Adopt Salon support groups, special events such as the Celia Center Arts Festival and Wolf Healing events throughout the year.
Jeanette has appeared on television as a Psychotherapist teaching about Adoption, on OWN, TLC and the Hope Network for the shows Raising Whitley, Long Lost Family and Lifestyle Magazine. She also has a YouTube Channel named “Jeanette-ically Speaking” About Adoption, Foster Care and Mental Health which has multiple videos related to adoption, foster care, mental health, trauma informed best practice, foster care-adoption competency trainings, parenting tips, children’s and adult adoptee mental health videos. Learn more here.
Sunday 3/05 - noon PST / 3:00pm EST
Why didn’t they tell me? I had a right to know, but someone kept the truth from me, my truth. Who were they protecting? So many questions loom, so many are left without answers. Where there are secrets, there is shame. You are innocent; disavow the shame. Author, NPE, and therapist Annette L. Becklund, MSW, LCSW, NBCCH leads us on the discussion.
Annette is a licensed clinical social worker and nationally board-certified clinical hypnotherapist and heart-centered hypnotherapist. She is also a level 2 EMDR clinician. Annette is in private practice and works with children and families and has a specialty in Autism and developmental differences. Primary concerns revolve around loss, anxiety, trauma, depression, and other mental health challenges. On April 7, 2018, Annette discovered she joined the “club that nobody wants to be a member of” and learned that her dad was not her biological father. Annette is an NPE. She has been working with NPE clients, donor-conceived individuals, and those who are adopted with a whole new understanding of searching for connection, meaning, and identity. Annette presented on the topic of Ancestry Discovery at the NASW conference in Florida in 2019. She has published an article in the Florida Mental Health Counselor Magazine called, DNA Discoveries – What Happens Under the Sheets Does Not Stay There Forever, has been published in the Journal of Integrative Medicine on the use of weighted blankets and anxiety in a mental health hospital and has written a book called, “Warren is Wonderful” – which is a book for children on the spectrum. She has a chapter coming out at the end of this year published in the Social Work Desk Reference by Oxford University Press. Currently, Annette keeps a blog and just published her memoir Ancestry Discoveries ~ What Happens Under the Sheets Doesn’t Stay There.
Sunday 2/05 - noon PST / 3:00pm EST
Join Brooke as she helps us with discovering we have a different ethnicity from an over-the-counter DNA test and how incorporate a new culture into our identity.
Brooke Randolph, LMHC, is a therapist, author, speaker, and trainer licensed in Indiana and Massachusetts. Her primary specialty is adoption, particularly working with adult adoptees, but she has enjoyed working with individuals who have experienced NPE and found many similarities to work with late discovery adoptees (LDA).
Brooke is Founder and Director of Counseling at The Green House where all therapists are adoption competent and Brainspotting trained. In addition to Adoption Therapy, Brooke is a Brainspotting Specialty Trainer & Consultant and Imago Relationship Therapist. She is also influenced by Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy.
Brook is licensed in the state of Indiana, Kentucky, Massachusetts, and Texas.
Sunday January 22 - noon PST / 3:00pm EST
Join Macy as she helps us navigate how to find and interview a therapist to assist you with your MPE Journey and ensure a good fit.
Macy Oosthuizen (pronounced wist-hay-zen) is a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) and the founder of Finding Spaces Therapy in Jupiter, FL. As an adoptee and someone who has experienced an NPE, she’s passionate about providing therapy to teens & adults who need help navigating post-adoption issues, non-paternity events, and post-donor/third party conception. Other specialties include trauma, anxiety, grief, neurodiversity, LGBTQ+/gender questioning teens, and clients who were raised by a parent who is emotionally immature, has borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder. Macy’s practice is made up of 50% teens and 50% adults.
Macy’s guiding principle is that healing occurs within a relationship & she emphasizes the importance of relationships (and humor) as a vital mechanism for change in a non-judgmental, strength-based environment. She works collaboratively with the client/families to help achieve therapeutic goals. Mindfulness plays an important role in all her therapeutic work and has 200-level yoga teacher certification. Macy is an adjunct professor at Florida Atlantic University teaching in the graduate school of Social Work and sits on the FAU Center for Autism and Related Disabilities Mental Health Task Force.
Sunday Jan 8th, noon pm Pacific / 3:00 pm Eastern Time - Finding Direction After a DNA Discovery
Right to Know is sponsoring a 3-Part Art Therapy Community and Connection. Each session is designed to explore feelings and experiences associated with an MPE, regardless of how long it’s been since discovery. We will spend a brief amount of time laying the groundwork for the art directive and then move into creation. The latter half of the session will be a time for voluntary sharing. Participants should have basic art supplies on hand: paper, pens, pencils, markers, crayons, magazine images, glue sticks, scissors, and watercolor palette with brushes. (Essentially, whatever materials feel comfortable and inviting.) While creativity in this space can be therapeutic, it’s not intended to be therapy. Participants should be aware that strong feelings may occur and are encouraged to reach out to a therapist for processing if need be.
Join Stephanie Leftwich-Needham, LMHC, ATR-BC to create an image of your unique journey, wherever you are along the path.
Part III -Finding SELF 1/8
People going through a Misattributed Parentage Experience remember that pivotal moment of discovery, the time they changed from “before” to “after.” Join us in creative expression of who you have been and who you are becoming.
Part II -Finding STRENGTH 12/4
The holidays can be a difficult time, leaving us vulnerable to self-doubt and loneliness. Join us in a creative approach to developing a support system of strengths, allies, and self-care practices.
Part I -Finding direction 11/6
A DNA discovery can be disorienting, leaving us wondering what the future holds and what steps we need to take to get there. And, the path frequently loops back upon itself, taking us through feelings we thought we’d already processed.
I have spent much of my life seeking a way to blend a deep desire to help people with my need for creative practices. A love of stories led to studies in English and then teaching Rhetoric and Writing at the college level. While I enjoyed crafting language and analyzing texts, engaging with my students was most fulfilling. Time spent in Women Writing for (a) Change circles showed me the healing power of creative writing. I learned to facilitate groups that were highly therapeutic and decided to go a step further by becoming a therapist. Art therapy allows me to help people find healing through compassionate creativity.
Oct 9th, noon pm Pacific / 3:00 pm Eastern Time
TOPIC: Mindfulness Practices to Cope with your MPE
Join Jason Hobbs, LCSW, MDiv, as he leads us in a discussion of how to use mindfulness practices to help you cope with your DNA surprise. We will learn a few basic mindfulness practices, how these practices help us self-regulate when stressed or worried, and consider how a “present moment” focus can help when we remember the wounds of the past or the worries about the future.
Jason is a licensed clinical social worker in Georgia in an outpatient mental health clinic. He has been in private practice for fifteen years in addition to having worked in hospice and homeless services. Jason also pastored a small United Methodist congregation near Savannah for three years. Jason’s own journey with a DNA discovery came three years ago, just as he was publishing a book about the father he knew. He and his wife are also transracial adoptive parents. He has led mindfulness training groups in his practice using Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy. He has been trained in Mindfulness and Cognitive Therapy in addition to other therapeutic modalities.
Sunday June 5th, noon pm Pacific / 3:00 pm Eastern Time
TOPIC: The stranger within our families
Join Carla Barnes, MS, LPC as she leads us in a discussion about feeling like a stranger or that something is off in our raising families and how this impacts our relationships with our parents.
Carla first became familiar with misattributed parentage in 2017 with the discovery that she had an MPE myself. The emotions that she felt were unexpected, and led to feeling alone because no one around her understood what she was going through. What she learned through this experience is that there are others out there like her, and that there is hope and healing through this journey.
Sunday May 15th, noon pm PST / 3:00 pm EST
TOPIC: Your Relationship with your MoM
Join Lisa Tahir, LCSW, LPC-MHSP as she leads us in a discussion about our complex relationships with our mothers and the impacts of misattributed parentage.
Lisa has been a licensed therapist for over 20 years and is interested in working with people experiencing misattributed parentage experiences (MPEs) as these experiences can cause you to question the identity you have formulated about yourself and cause emotional duress. She offers a complimentary 20-minute consultation, and provides Zoom, phone, FaceTime, and phone sessions to you so that you can be in the comfort of your own home. Visit her website to subscribe to her mental health and wellness podcast, ‘All Things Therapy’ and order my book endorsed by His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, “The Chiron Effect: Healing Our Core Wounds through Astrology, Empathy and Self-Forgiveness.
SUNDAY, April 3rd NOON - 1:30 PST
TOPIC: Managing Your Anger for Those who Kept your True Conception a Secret
Erika Schmidtt, MSW, LSW
Erika’s background in adoption, and new work with donor-conceived, combined with her comprehensive training in trauma and grief over the past 14 years, allows her to easily connect with individuals struggling with aspects related to their genetic identity.
Erika is licensed in the state of Pennsylvania.
SUNDAY, March 6th NOON - 1:30 PST
TOPIC: coping with losing connection with raising & genetic family
Krista was born to a teen mother and was a child of the foster care system for four years before she was adopted. Dr. Krista Driver started out as the epitome of the “underdog.” It was as an adult that she discovered she was also an NPE and has focused her clinical practice on working with others who have a Misattributed Parentage Experience ( MPE) to navigate their discovery journey, as well as help them build their tree’s and locate living bio-relatives.
As a licensed marriage and family therapist with a doctorate in psychology, Dr. Driver has dedicated her career to working with the most vulnerable in her community. As the CEO of Mariposa Women and Family Center, a nonprofit counseling center that specializes in providing mental health services to women and children, Dr. Driver is perpetually looking for innovative ideas for the agency and ways to build relevant programming to meet the needs of Orange County and beyond.
Jana is a licensed professional counselor and consultant specializing in fertility and family building. Her best-selling book, Three Makes Baby-How to Parent Your Donor-Conceived Child, introduced the “five common fears” that parents face as they contemplate having a non-biological child. Thousands of readers around the world have trusted the wisdom and guidance because she knows firsthand what it’s like to be in a non-biological family, as an adoptee and adoptive mom.
She also faced infertility and has helped thousands of people face the challenges of infertility as well as those preparing to grow their family in non-traditional ways. Working as an independent, Rupnow has fostered relationships with endocrinologists across the United States. Rupnow’s work, including the Three Makes Baby podcast, encourages communication between donor-conceived parents and donor-conceived adults, to raise awareness of the inherent challenges donor-conceived families may face across the lifespan. Jana is licensed in the state of Texas.
If your trust was broken, read Jana’s Rebuilding Trust Handout. She also recommends using this Forgiveness Guide by Heather Carlile, MA, LPC as a great resource. Understanding the Five Languages of Apology can help ensure your apology is heard.
TOPIC: Balancing family, secrets, stress, grief, and the holidays
SUNDAY, dec 5TH NOON - 1:30 PST
Anxiety, depression, grief, and childhood trauma are my specialties. This work coincides well when working with adults who are processing the unique and often overwhelming misattributed parentage experience. Exploring a client’s unique story is a huge privilege and I take the work I do very seriously. I know that it takes a lot of guts to enter a therapy relationship. Trusting someone new when you’ve discovered that your parental relationship was not what you had believed can add an extra layer of complexity. As a therapist, I have an affinity for working with people experiencing anxiety or undue stress brought on by life transitions (career, relationships, grief). Personally, and professionally, I’m part of the LGBTQ+ and adoptee communities.
Here’s Kate’s presentation plus some suggested resources.
TOPIC: FINDING IDENTITY AFTER AN MPE
SUNDAY, NOV 7TH NOON - 1:30 PST
Jodi’s passion for the NPE population was born from her own 2016 DNA discovery, leading her to create the Sex, Lies & The Truth podcast, the Finding Family blog on Psychology Today and pioneering the only clinical training for mental health professionals she coined, Parental Identity Discovery™. Jodi uses her expertise to guide people and their families through the unique and challenging process of discovering surprise DNA revelations and the necessary skills to cope with them.
Jodi received a Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology from Dominican University in San Rafael and obtained licensure as a Marriage and Family Therapist in 2004. She is currently a doctoral student at Touro University where she expects to receive a PsyD in Human and Organizational Psychology in 2022. She is recognized for an empathic and direct style in connecting with clients and is skilled at dealing with difficult issues in trauma and family dynamics. Trained by EMDR founder Francine Shapiro, she is an expert in addressing grief, trauma, feelings of belonging, identity confusion, rejection, worth and self-esteem.
TOPIC: Rejection in MPEs
Sunday, OCT 3rd noon - 1:30 PST
Dr. Gina Daniel is a licensed clinical social worker. She has worked in public education as a school social worker for over twenty years and also works in her private practice in central Pennsylvania primarily focused on individual and family work. Gina discovered her NPE status in June 2018 and subsequently completed her doctoral dissertation with a focus on unexpected paternity discoveries through direct-to-consumer DNA ancestry testing.
TOPIC: Grief, Loss & the MPE Mask
Sunday, Sept 12 noon - 1:30 PST
We will explore the grief and loss connected with the misattributed parentage experience. We’ll be working through creative imagery to explore thoughts and feelings, but don’t worry: no artistic skill is required. A willingness to engage, trust the process, and a few simple materials are all that’s needed. Please have basic drawing supplies (pencils, paper, markers) and collage materials (at least ten random magazine images, a glue stick, and scissors) on hand. Additionally, please print out one of the masks attached.
Please note: Art-making can stir deep emotions and memories. While this workshop may be therapeutic, it is distinctly not therapy. If you have any questions about the difference, please don’t hesitate to ask. Additionally, it is expected that participants will respect one another’s privacy by keeping all artwork and conversations confidential to our meeting space.
Stephanie is an art therapist and licensed mental health counselor in private practice on the Kitsap Peninsula. She works with clients of all ages, helping them process trauma, grief and loss, and life transitions. She loves working with groups and incorporating eco-art, writing and mindfulness techniques.
TOPIC: Identity and MPEs.
SUNDAY, JULY 11 NOON - 1:30 PST
She’s going to lead us through some experiential exercises to foster identity understanding and formation.
Jodi’s passion for the NPE population was born from her own 2016 DNA discovery, leading her to create the Sex, Lies & The Truth podcast, the Finding Family blog on Psychology Today and pioneering the only clinical training for mental health professionals she coined, Parental Identity Discovery™. Jodi uses her expertise to guide people and their families through the unique and challenging process of discovering surprise DNA revelations and the necessary skills to cope with them.
Jodi received a Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology from Dominican University in San Rafael and obtained licensure as a Marriage and Family Therapist in 2004. She is currently a doctoral student at Touro University where she expects to receive a PsyD in Human and Organizational Psychology in 2022. She is recognized for an empathic and direct style in connecting with clients and is skilled at dealing with difficult issues in trauma and family dynamics. Trained by EMDR founder Francine Shapiro, she is an expert in addressing grief, trauma, feelings of belonging, identity confusion, rejection, worth and self-esteem.
TOPIC: A Look at Discomfort Surrounding MPEs
Sunday, June 6 noon - 1:30 PST
Eve had an MPE in 2018, and has dedicated herself to spreading the word about this global phenomenon ever since. As a licensed therapist, Eve invites people from all aspects of the misattributed parentage experience to heal through psychotherapy in her private practice. She launched her DNA-discovery podcast, “Everything’s Relative with Eve Sturges” in 2019 and is proud to be airing its third season. She lives in LA with her family, including a dog named Johnny Cash.
TOPIC: A Look at Loss & Grief in MPEs
Sunday, May 2 noon - 1:30 PST
TOPIC: The Importance of Finding your Tribe & Feeling Supported
Sunday, april 11 noon - 1:30 PST
You’ve made your way to RTK but may not even realize what a critical step you’ve taken. Finding others who understand you without] endless explanation, people with lots of new information & experience to share, a community who will help you over the many hurdles yet in store.
Leslie is a seasoned and well-respected therapist in the adoption community who works with individuals, families, and couples and runs several groups. In addition to her general practice, she specializes in working with individuals and families conceived through adoption and third-party reproduction. Leslie is a nationally known trainer who travels across the country training therapists, agencies and child welfare workers about psychological issues inherent in adoption and third-party reproduction.
Tips For Creating An MPE Community
- Studies prove having a reliable community to turn to in highly stressful times, will improve your emotional and physical well-being, both of which, suffer in isolation.
- Find on-line or face-to-face groups of people dealing with similar issues.
- Look for additional resources by exploring the internet about the topic which is bringing you stress.
- Bibliotherapy—my term for reading everything you can, on a particular subject.
- Look for organizations that provide learning and communal opportunities amongst their membership.
- Volunteer, specifically within the subject area you have encountered. i.e. efforts to change legislation.
- Be a good listener. It promotes others coming to your support. Those who take up all the air space in various forums and then split, will end up being ignored over time.
- Be sure to stick to reputable sites and be cautious when setting up face-to-face meetings.
TOPIC: Reaching Out to Bio-Family & Coping with the Response
Sunday, march 7 noon - 1:30 PST
Tips
- This is hard. What is your support plan? Family/Friends? This group? Counselor? All of the above would be good and I really can’t emphasize enough how helpful seeking a competent counselor can be when processing all of the complex emotions that go with this.
- Plan and be prepared to the best that you can. Know why you are doing this and what information you want. Go in with realistic expectations.
- Find a way to have patience during this process, with yourself and others. Practice mindfulness and gratitude each day.
- This is your journey. Whatever you decide and need to do for you is OK. Your emotional health comes first. Take breaks, put on pause, let somebody know you need a breather in contact, or anything else that is necessary for your mental well-being.
Here is a good resource we refer people to with adoption. It is adoption specific so some of it doesn’t apply to everybody.
TOPIC: The Ebb & Flow of Loss
Sunday, Feb 7 noon - 1:30 PST
Joni Mantell, MSW, LCSW
Tips
- A person may experience the variety of emotions in the popular stages of grief in any order and may go back and forth from one stage to another—that’s okay.
- The grief cycle does not punctuate with ACCEPTANCE…even though we can come to accept what we have lost. Believing grief punctuates with acceptance can lead to guilt or unease for not feeling that.
- Grief ebbs and flows. Sometimes we feel it and sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we feel it a little, and sometimes we are triggered to feel it a lot.
- Grief is like an onion – it has layers. It is best to accept and submerge yourself in the layer you feel. Honor the layer you are going through. That is the best way to process it and get to the next level.
- We cannot avoid the layers of what we feel BUT we can learn to manage the grief as it ebbs and flows throughout our lives. Locate your feeling, name it, experience it, and let it flow.
- Get support for your experience. Meet and talk with other people experiencing similar losses. Support groups have been demonstrated to help enormously with grief – there is shared communication, validation and even humor. If you are suffering or just need someone to talk to, get support. Call RTK’s Resource Hotline 323-TALK-MPE or schedule an appointment with a therapist.