COURAGEOUS. SUPPORTIVE. POSITIVE.

I grew up always knowing my “dad” was not my biological father.

I was 6 years old when my stepdad adopted me. I was raised to believe that my biological father left and did not want me. I was told that he did not provide any financial support and had no interest in being in my life. My mom remarried when I was incredibly young, so my stepdad filling the role of a dad for me was effortless, and I knew nothing different. As an adult, my mom told me my biological father passed away. The details of his passing were not clear, but the fact was he was gone.

I had always longed to find my biological father but I just was not sure how. Growing up I was not allowed to ask questions and was given little information. I knew his name and that he was a long-haul truck driver. On road trips when I would pass by semi-trucks, I would look for his name on the door, or at the person driving, wondering if we were long lost father and daughter. I did this for years! It was difficult to think I came from someone who had no interest in me and I could not figure out why.

After my children were grown, I began searching for him in a more serious manner. There is a website, Findagrave.com, where I would search for my biological father’s resting place. Having little to no information about him, I could never locate a grave. Fast forward to the ease of DNA testing and the void I had always had in my life, so I decided to take a DNA test. I had hopes of connecting to a relative that could tell me anything about my biological father. I longed to hear one positive thing about him.

On my birthday, my husband and I were on vacation when I got an email from a connection via Ancestry. We emailed back and forth a few times before she told me she was my half-sister—we have the same biological father. After a bit of shock wore off, I told her I understood our dad had passed but how happy I was she found me. In her next email she tells me our dad is very much alive, I have a half-brother as well, and my dad had looked for me over the years. I can never find the words to describe how I felt in this moment, I am not sure I ever will.

This began a journey of reunion for me, and uncovering the truth.

Initially, we had many video chats where I “met” my family. They are in Canada; I am in the US. Four months later, my husband and I made the trip to meet them in person. I have had many wonderful reunions with them since my initial discovery.

Back to my biological father being a long-haul truck driver. I learned that my mom had in fact asked my biological father to sign his rights away so that my stepfather could adopt me, he said no. He would be on the road for weeks at a time, having no contact with my mom (this was during the late 60’s early 70’s). After he said no, she essentially took me. We moved, changed our existing phone number, and left no information behind. My mom and stepfather moved forward with the adoption by providing incorrect information to the court about the whereabouts of my biological father. By changing my name and moving me, she essentially put me in witness protection making it impossible for my dad to find me.

My biological father did search for me, but he only knew my first name, month, and year of my birth. He thought I may be somewhere in Idaho but was unsure. He wrote to the Idaho Department of Motor Vehicles around the time he thought I might be getting my driver’s license. He also reached out to journalists and other groups. No one ever got back to him and, eventually, he gave up.

To this day, my biological father will not say one negative thing about my mom. He tells me he knew she was a good mom and that I was being cared for. As for my mom, she has no idea that I found my biological father. She has dementia, so we have kept the information from her.

As for me, I feel quite fortunate to have found my lost family and am building a beautiful relationship with them. It has affected my raised family relationships, and we are no longer close, rarely speaking.

I am happy and I have turned my shock into support. I am a Certified Life Coach, co-founder of the DNA Surprise Retreat, and hold a seat on the board for Right to Know as the Director of Support. If you have found Right to Know you are in the right place as we are here to help you on your journey.